I've gained 40lbs in the last year or so. I've been in a slump emotionally. And it totally sucks. Sure I've had moments where things were good, but all in all I look back and feel like it was a big fuzzy mess. I don't know if my wt. gain is from that or from my abundance of new meds. But when I look in the mirror it really doesn't matter. I have, a number of times, cried like a jr. high girl over not having anything that fits right. I've let myself get so frustrated that I try and not eat for as long as possible (many more of us do that than would admit). And now I'm just a point that I'm sick of doing this mind game to myself.
Soon I'll be doing Love Your Body events at the woman's center. I am a huge advocate for loving yourself despite the standards society gives us. I believe so many woman are beautiful and can completely see past body shape. I, in fact, see many typical beauties as ugly due to their personalities, the fact they send images of women back 50yrs, or lack of common sense. And yet I do it to myself. Why is it so easy to lift up our friends, while we push down ourselves? It's more than frustrating to live in both worlds.
I'm going to try and change that. I've committed myself to letting me buy clothes that are up a size. I'm going to start thinking healthy vs. scale. Now I know it won't be easy. I've struggled with body image, even as a skinny girl. But I do want to try again. I'm hoping it's like quitting smoking. You have to fail a few times before you really get it.
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