So...it's been awhile. As it would turn out I ended up going through quite the depressive episode. School not working out, jobs not working out, kids being sick forever, all of it I'm sure added to it. But let's face it- I was sorta due. I forgot how bad it feels. The only good thing I can say is that I now know it won't last. I know I cycle and it helps a bit to take away from the overwhelming negativity. Depression, for me anyway, equals isolation. Not just isolation in person, but in many areas. Creativity and all things associated were not going to happen. I had to concentrate on getting up and doing the day to day for my family after all. I'm still not in the clear, as I know I'm still depressed. But I'm not crying three times a day and that is a plus. New meds and a little self talk goes far. I'm back in feeling like I can fight mode.
Unfortunately this post then acts like an in between of sorts, getting me going again. Making blogging a part of me again. I wish I had the time to catch up on all your posts that I watch. But playing catch up in all the areas of my life I ignored is already a tall task.
I wish I had more positive things to say right now. Wish I had some great subject to talk about. But I don't. I guess right now anyway, I'm just still holding on. The good things I have done, however, have happened on my fb page. I've posted quite a few notes on racism and I've created a page for my photography "business". The sort of ambition it takes to do these things are a good in between from depression to "normal". I don't have to talk to anyone in person, but am starting to venture into that creative mind of mine again. Depression is so odd for me - I'm so motivated in my mind, so creative, so adventurous - yet my body and my emotions keep me back. I do feel as if I'm finally starting to crawl out again though. So watch out world ;)
Till later
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