Gosh it's been a long time since I've done this. When I look back on my posts it becomes pretty clear that I'm bipolar. Ups and downs, holy! Anti social..then social. Well any of you who actually read this love me despite this so I guess I'm good.
Just a little catch up. I'm doing pretty darn good the last few weeks. Starting to want to socialize again and feeling more motivation to do all things I've wanted to do. I'm working and kicking some ass getting involved with more things there, getting creative again. I missed that feeling. I'm trying to get the alright to do a workshop for the GLBTQA conference, joining an Anti-Racism committee on campus, performing a monologue for International Women's Day; gearing up for presenting at the high schools on sexual assault awareness, and on the committee for the tunnel of oppression. Enough to keep my hours mostly busy. Life at home is good. I'm trying to get out more and wanting more.. I had quite the anti social stint. I'm thankful for those who have tried and understood when I didn't want to go out. And ever so thankful they still want to see me now. lol I'm doing some photography and actually wanting more shoots to do. I'm also just overall thankful and doing more to make myself happy like finally working out. I sure hope this up keeps this time.
I'd say the only thing I'm struggling with is still body image. Although I've definitely begun to embrace the number on the scale. I'm just more concerned with making myself more toned up. I can accept some curves if they must be there. Damn getting old or damn medication - whatever it is that is making it so hard. I never hear people actually talk about how hard it is to lose weight or get fit. I hear people talk about working out, but nobody complains. How is that? Not until I do on fb or whatever do I actually learn that I share the same frustrations other people have. sure I hear it on t.v. commercials but it's just not the same as having a conversation with a real person. I think I have talked to more people about cramps than a real conversation about body image (aside from what I do at work). If we could only talk about our insecurities. I think it would help us women feel more secure actually - a support system to help us realize we are not alone and one to help us overcome them.
So that is me. Now everything is not perfect by any means. I still have to get out of my slump routine of needing two cups of coffee before I move off the recliner. I still have anxiety too much some days. But overall I'm doing pretty good. My apologies to those of you who I know blog as I haven't kept up on yours as I haven't kept up on mine too. Alright I think that's all I have for now. :)
I agree--women sometimes attack each other for their insecurities or encourage each other to be insecure rather than fostering a support system. Derby has helped me in that sense. That there are other women like me who are kind of weird and have a little bit of a violent or angry streak offers me comfort. Other girls used to make me feel so strange, as if I was defective for wanting to be strong and for craving a thrill, but the girls at derby have accepted me...at least on some level. We may not all be best friends, but in that context, we're family.
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautiful! But I know how it feels to be uncomfortable with your own body, and despite what other people say, no matter how much they flatter you, it doesn't overpower your own sense of self. Then, conversely, you realize just how powerful you are--if you're able to reinforce a negative body image, you're just as capable of reinforcing a positive one. You definitely are not alone!