So I've done good to my word..been starting to buy clothes that make me feel better rather than trying to convince myself I'll lose the wt. first. It's done wonders for my self esteem. I still plan on continuing to try and lose wt. But just having that sense of looking good as who I am makes all the difference. The weight I've decided needs to come off not just so I feel adequate next to a skinny mini this summer (cuz there will always be someone who looks "better") but because I am so tired of feeling lazy and stuck. So I guess I really am concentrating on feeling good rather than looking good. Too bad I haven't started yet. It's so much harder to stop the excuses than I thought it would be. "oh after xmas" then "after new years". Maybe after the kids go back and my schedule is more consistent. I can't possibly start working out at home with Jeremy off of work this week and watching me. I need to just get off my ass and do it. So hard to grab some momentum.
Course these days it's hard to grab some energy to do anything. I now understand why people like me go off their meds. I'm not depressed anymore and so thankful for that. But I am more in a slumpy mood. I miss this summer when I was energized and confident, wanting to socialize and being positive. Now I could care less if I go out. I'm stuggling to find the energy to do much. I still enjoy my kids, but would rather watch them have fun than join them. It's a really odd spot to be in. And it's so against where my brain is. This therefore feels like a weird torture. I'm not stopping meds of course. I know better than that. But it is frustrating none the less.
So I continue to try and gear myself up for things and keep trying to do things my head wants. Just hoping it all connects soon the way I want it to.
